Everyday Ethics: Candy Equality, Social Regrets, Shared Use of Public Campgrounds

Posted @ Nov. 11 2011 11:35AM by Susan - viewpoints

Q: On Halloween, my wife disapproves of kids above a certain age going door to door Trick or Treating. She buys two varieties of candy and keeps them by the door in separate baskets: full-sized bars for the little kids, and less costly, mini- bars for the older ones. I say this is petty, but she reminds me SHE is the one answering the door and if I feel so strongly about it, I can take over the duty. What do YOU say?
A: I say I like your wife without ever having met her.

Q: We received a party invitation from people we don’t especially like. I conveyed regrets without citing a specific reason we couldn’t attend. Later, my husband said we “should” have attended since we really didn’t have plans that conflicted. I didn’t lie. Must one accept any and all invitations?
If you have a deeply felt psychological need to accept all invitations, then you should — so long as it does not adversely impact your husband, or your children, or any other significant people in your life.
Other than that, an invitation by definition is something that can be accepted or rejected. If it could not be rejected it would be called a command. Your time is limited and you are entitled to decide how you are going to spend it and what brings you the greatest satisfaction.
There is nothing wrong with not liking someone, just as there is nothing wrong with someone not liking you. As long as you are respectful of the person you don’t like, you have satisfied the requirements of ethics.

Q: We enjoy camping. At our favorite campground there is often a particular group with an accordion player, who gets it out after dark and plays music around their campfire. We find it annoying. Others probably like it. Is is reasonable to expect silence at a public campground?
A: It is reasonable to expect quiet hours at a public campground. For the ordinary campground patronized by RVs, families, bikes, and cars, it is also reasonable to expect a campfire sing-along. Be grateful it is not a loud boom box or other type of sound blaster. The hallmarks of our digital age do not belong in any campground.
People who go camping are satisfying two primal needs which at times conflict. The first need, drinking in nature, is mainly solitary and meditative. Any distraction is unwelcome. It takes some focused time to experience and become one with the magnificence of the living system from which we came. Once you are there, you don’t want to hear any discordant notes.
The other need is to re-establish the role of the tribe and how we fit into it. Nature is a cruel and dangerous place as well as a beautiful and magnificent one. We can take great sustenance from the bonds of our family and friends. They protect us from life’s harshness, and give us a sense of belonging and of purpose. The social gathering around a campfire is a fountain of satisfaction that touches places deep in our psyches.
For better and worse, we also live in a crowded modern age. Unless we are hermits in the forest full time, we need to think of the impact our actions have on the people surrounding us. (I personally would limit the impact of campfires, which takes nature’s sweet fresh air and turns it into pestilence.) That is the essence of ethics.
•••

Do you think Rick Pope got it right?  What do YOU think?
Must you give the same candy to all who ring your door on Halloween?  Can you decline a social invitation without explaining why?. Who should make the”rules” affecting use of public places?
To comment on this question or suggest others, add your comment in the space below.

Rick Pope writes "Everthday Ethics," a regular feature in Columbia River Reader. He is a Portland trial attorney with Kirklin, Thompson & Pope, LLC. He regularly represents plaintiffs as well as defendants, although not generally in the same case.