Everyday Ethics: Charitable contributions as gifts, donations to food banks

Posted @ Dec. 15 2011 09:19PM by Susan - viewpoints

By Rick Pope

1. Weary of the holiday gift-buying scramble, we started making a significant gift to a world humanitarian organization in the name of our entire extended family. We host a festive lunch and announce the gift in a fun, yet meaningful (we think) way. A few family members are grumbling, saying it’s just our way to get a tax write-off and stiff them on a“real” gift. These relatives are well off financially. I am sad they don’t endorse the idea of reaching out to help others. Should we continue the new tradition and hope they warm to it? Invite THEM to select the recipient organization this year? Or give it up and just buy them each a soap-on-a-rope?

Your question brings up two fascinating and related ethical subjects: what is a gift, and how hard it is for us to see the world from the perspective of somebody else.
A true gift is much more than a transfer of the right to possess something from one person to another. It is a transfer imbued with a kind of everyday holiness. Holiness is not imposed service to a cause the sanctimonious gift-giver believes is morally superior. It appears instead in the willingness of the gift-giver to spend time in the life of the recipient, and thoughtfully reflect on what would be meaningful to them or would add to their life in a way they would readily appreciate. It does not try to change the recipient. It pays them the ultimate compliment of taking them as they are and celebrating it. In some small way, it lets the giver and the recipient feel they are truly one with each other. It is a selfless exercise in empathy, and empathy is the foundation of ethics.
Your gift fails this test. You are using it to impose your values on your relatives, not to celebrate a real aspect of them that you truly care about. I suggest you try spending some time figuring out what that could be. If you can’t, consider spending your holidays with somebody else.

2. For holiday food drives, my friend cleans out her cupboards and donates inexpensive, non-favorite or soon-to-expire items. She’s been criticized by some who say this is an “insult” to those in need; that she should make a greater and more genuine “sacrifice” by donating the same quality and variety of food items she herself enjoys. Should her critics worry about their own giving habits and not look a gift horse in the mouth? What do you think?

What do you think the person eating the food thinks? What do you think the food bank volunteers think? If your friend began to brag about her generosity, a mild and good-natured factual description of the nature of her alleged bounty may be justified in order to bring her back to earth. With that possible exception, I think your friend’s critics should ponder the previous question.
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Did Rick get it right? What do YOU think?
What is YOUR definition of a “true gift?”

Is it “sanctimonious” to make a charitable gift in honor of a friend or family member? Does it mean the giver is imposing his or her values on the person named?

What do you think / feel about charitable gifts as tributes to friends or loved ones?

2. When donating food or other items to those in need, is it OK to give basic food items instead of fancier (more expensive) ones the donors may generally use? Does this mean they are condescending or not truly generous?
Please comment in the space below.

Rick Pope is a Portland trial attorney with Kirklin, Thompson & Pope, LLC. He regularly represents plaintiffs as well as defendants, although not generally in the same case.